Senin, 01 Desember 2014

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It's like king Midas. But, instead turned into gold, i break it.

Senin, 30 Juni 2014

Broken heart

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"I know you've lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly or perhaps you began losing pieces of them until one day, there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way, it is irrelevant you cannot control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts upon you. Which is why i am not here to tell you tomorrow is another day. That the sun will go on shining or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What i will tell you is this, its ok to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary because it makes you so much more human and thought i cant promise it will get better anytime soon, i can tell you that it will eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. Take all the time you need.."

Jumat, 27 Juni 2014

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Its okay to miss someone, but dont ever chase them..

Hate that i ♥ you

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"Ini tentang kakak aku yg paling ganteng abad ini. Namanya paduka raja Ananta."
Itu dia sendiri yg ngomong, dia lg tiduran samping gue, maksa-maksa gue buat ngeposting tentang dia.
Dia itu ngaku-ngaku pengen banget jadi kakak gue. Wkwkwk tapi kenyataannya dia emang kakak gue

Beberapa ada yg meragukan kalo doi bukan kakak gue, karna gak mirip. Sejujurnya gue gak suka kalo ngebahas ini, plis jaga perasaan dia. Jelek-jelek gitu juga kakak gue tuh... Wkwkwk parah gue abis sok belain eh nyela juga.
"Tinggiin aja dulu bun, baru kita jatohin" kata mikael. Tapi itu teorinya bukan buat kakak gue sih..
Ini untuk pertama & terakhir kali gue bakal jelasin.
Kakak gue item? Yes.Dulu dia lahir prematur, 7bulan udah lahir, sempet masuk inkubator & salah penanganan gt sampe akhirnya pigmen kulit dia rusak kayak kebakar gitu. Berjalannya waktu normal kok, sabunnya dia jg khusus dari dokter, tapi pas kecilnya gak seitem itu kok.
Tergolong lucu kan;;) makin gede, ya namanya anak cowok pasti main mulu apalagi pas smp dia sekolah naik sepeda gitu sama temen-temennya. Makin item deyyyh..
Kakak gue gendut? IYESSSS. SEHARI MAKAN BERKALI-KALI. Yg buat dia galau tuh bukan cewek atau apalah kayak anak jaman pada umumnya, tapi pas dia laper & gak ada makanan:") liat kecilnya dia emesssh kan tp makin kesini makannya gak kekontrol jadi meledaaaak duar. Gpp sih yg penting sehat kalo kata mama :))
Gak mirip? Big no. Coba perhatiin deh, kita mirip kok & yg pasti kakak gue tuh mirip banget sama alm.kakek gue :)))
So, to. Eh bukan wkwk apaansih gue krik bgt=)) disini udah jelas banget kan kalo @arizkyansyah itu aa kandung gue, walaupun kelakuan dia kayak ee. Tetep aja dia selalu jadi orang pertama yg marah kalo ada yg nyakitin gue, sampe detik ini sih blm ada juga orang yg setia ke gue kayak dia.



Our paths may change as life goes along, but the bond between us remains ever strong.

Minggu, 22 Juni 2014

Home sweet home

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Hai guys. Its almost 2.00am and i still awake. And still single :b
Jadwal tidur gue berangsur normal kok, cuma skrg belom tidur karna abis nonton running man. Abis ngakak bgt jadi ngantuknya ilang hm, andai aja rasa sayang aku ke kamu jg bisa semudah itu ilangnya, pasti aku gak semenyedihkan ini... EAAA.

Aku emang menyedihkan, sangat.. Tapi aku punya orang-orang yg ngebuat aku ngerasa berharga banget, dan aku bahagia. Walaupun kebahagian yg mereka kasih ke aku itu beda sama yg aku rasain dari kamu. Halah-halah. Ini bukan tentang kamu, dia, tapi tentang salah satu orang yg selalu buat aku :D pas aku lg :(
As your request kak, ini postingan special pake cinta buat kamu.. Maaf yaa aku baru sempet ngepost, gak kayak kamu yg selalu ontime buat aku, selalu sempet bahkan disempet-sempetin buat sekedar memastikan aku baik-baik aja :")

Kak ratih. Words cant describe how much you are mean to me.
Kak ratih tuh bisa jadi air yg ngademin aku pas aku lg berapi-api, bisa jadi api juga yg ngebakar semangatku, & selalu jadi rumah buat aku berpulang nyeritain semua keluh-kesahku. Selain mamaku, kak ratih juga orang yg aku ceritain semua ceritaku, apapun itu, tanpa batas.
Gak cuma sekedar cerita, kadang kita ngelakuin hal yg mungkin menurut orang lain random tapi buat kita itu hal yg asdfghjkl gak bisa diungkapin saking menyengangkannya=)) kadang kita ngegosip juga, kita nyanyi-nyanyi gak jelas, ngakak bareng, ngegalau bareng dam yg paling aku suka dari kak ratih, dia ngedukung aku banget, ngebelain aku banget, selalu pro aku, dia ngebenci orang yg aku benci/jahatin aku yeaaayyy.
Dari 13-08-2013 awal pertama kali kita kenal sampe detik ini kita sedekat nadi, kita udah ngelewatin banyak bgt keseruan, bikin coklat, ngebolang, berpanas-panas, jalan kaki dari ujung ke ujung, cari mawar, berandai-andai and so much more.

Aku sama kak ratih itu ldr-an, jarak 90km memisahkan kita :"")
Tapi rutin tiap bulan atau ada tanggal merah kita saling mengunjungi, sekedar buat foto bareng sama ngobrol, cerita-cerita secara live, saling berbagi.


Sabtu, 21 Juni 2014

Memories

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Tuhan aku merindukanya, Tuhan..



Gue gak berharap nyokap atau orang-orang terdekat gue baca beberapa postingan gue yg sebelumnya. Mereka tau itu tertuju untuk siapa.. Bisa dimaki-maki kali gue. Dibego-begoin. Tapi... You know the thing about being left, it is not the moment when you are left, not the reasons why you are left, and nor how you are left. It is the memories. Memory is a bitch.
Selalu ada pro dan kotra. Seperti pemilu saat ini.

Sumpah demi apapun, bukan gue gak menghargai diri gue sendiri. Setelah dia ninggalin gue like i'm was nothing, bahkan gak mengakui pernah adanya gue. Ya setidaknya Tuhan tau kalo gue pernah ada dalam hidup dia juga, dulu.. Walaupun dia mempungkiri itu.

Gue kangen momentnya, bukan dianya.
Bahkan gue lupa kapan terakhir kali gue liat wajahnya, gue lupa gimana wajahnya, sosok dia bener-bener udah ilang dipikiran gue tapi kenangan dia ngehantui gue.

"But you don't have to", they say.

Iya. Ini perasaan random sesaat yg entah kenapa hadir lg. Untuk rasa sayang yg permanent itu udah bener-bener sirna. But every steps i'm walking just keep showing the memories i have with him. And that is how the pain starts to soak up through my veins. And it stays for like, forever. Only when i sleep the pain is gone. It somehow embodies as nightmares, though.

Dan ketika III

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Why leaving when you cannot be without him, when you are better off with him?

That question has been echoing in my mind these past few days.

The thing about love is not always leaving or staying, sometimes it's also about forgiving and understanding. But the relationship is between the two parties. You cannot fight all alone. You cannot hold someone who had let go of you long time ago.
Being wanted is always nice. Loving someone is nicer. And being wanted and needed by someone you love is the nicest. And I had just realized my presence does no longer matter to someone i love. In that case, what’s better than leaving?

Oh believe me, i have not been tired fighting. I haven't been tired saying sorry and okay. I haven't been tired waiting for him. I haven't been tired putting his name in my prayers. I haven't been tired believing he is the one. God knows how hard i've been praying.
So if anybody asks why leaving when my world is still revolving around him, and it seems that my world has stopped when he’s not here, it simply because he did not ask me to stay.
And i guess, nothing much wiser than leaving the one who's no longer needing you in his life. Even if it means you're like walking through the fire, or walking above the ice cube with no shoes? I wish there would be any analogy depicted how it feels like, but i cannot find any.
 

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